I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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