what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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