All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
