I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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