she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
