I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
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Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
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Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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