why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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