I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
