Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
