i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got inside last night via doggy door
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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