Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
