why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize