Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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