Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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