after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize