This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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