so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
