Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
