You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
