remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
