Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
