He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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