Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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