I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
