weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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