Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
