Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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