She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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