please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This baby is an asshole
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
