Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
