She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
