Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
