apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize