I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
