Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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