they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
