nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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