My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
