watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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