Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
