Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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