you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
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Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
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apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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