I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Randomize
