its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
