She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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