My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
