his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Watching her eat just hurts me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
