the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize