my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
