ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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