Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
