Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
