Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
