sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
