Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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