well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
