Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(571): View more from Virginia

so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare

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(937): View more from Ohio

oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing

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(559): View more from California

the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.

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(607): View more from New York

I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.

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(801): View more from Utah

Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life

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(972): View more from Texas

The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.

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(520): View more from Arizona

I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive

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