So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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