I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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