I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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