there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
