Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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