i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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