Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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