Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
