It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
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No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
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I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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