Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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