I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
