I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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