Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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