I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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