Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
