So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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