She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
