i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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