I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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