i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
