She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
this hospital has no fireball
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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