So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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