I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
